I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
