sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
