that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
