how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
