Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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