DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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