Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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