Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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