where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Please, let me fuck your mom
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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