So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
