I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Four minutes until I can fart!
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
