Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
