can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Randomize
