I want to stick my p in your. b.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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