I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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