new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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