make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
