cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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