Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
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