I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
