trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
