i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
