how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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