I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
