That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
