So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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