WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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