Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
