mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
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