some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
