Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
