i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
