listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
