Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
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