Small penises have feelings too.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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