You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
