Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
