Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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