Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
it's like iHOP with fire
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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