I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
