Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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