Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
