his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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