Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
sex in a hospital.. check
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Randomize
