I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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