i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
third nipple confirmed
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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