He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
We're too hungover to prance.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
