i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
