can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
