I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
