I can tuck mytits in my pants
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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