its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
