Where is the hickey?
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
