This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
